Sorry, I don't speak sober.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
