Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Please, let me fuck your mom
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
