Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
