He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
