woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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