im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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