so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
