Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
