there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Mom said you looked used
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
