it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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