Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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