i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
