I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
