Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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