And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
