looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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