I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
be right there i have to get my cape
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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