Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
