i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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