closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
