Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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