took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
