She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
