dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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