Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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