that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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