I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
