I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
