she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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