Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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