Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish i was in the wii world.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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