There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
