I didn't shave. On purpose
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
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the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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