the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
