ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
