I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
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I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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