I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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