he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
