I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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