tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
