you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
