I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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