census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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