I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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