can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
