you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
