look no pants
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
