Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
