i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
