Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
