He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
