God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
