You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There's always time for handjobs
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
