just come out here and I will go home with you...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
