Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
