Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
