P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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