Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
