There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I love you. Go after that dick
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