From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
