and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Shame - the story of my life.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
