I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
