Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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