so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
