you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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