I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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