So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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