cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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