I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
