i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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