She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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