i was born a porn star she said
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
