Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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