It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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