goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize