We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
