No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Randomize
